I am ready to quit but I can not; She needs help. My mother in-law has dementia. She is lost deep in a fog. She is so alone and separated from the real world that she screams within herself for help. Reaching out in anger and fear. Most of times from untrue fears.

How do we (my family) reach her when all day is spent keeping her dressed, fed, and cleaning up her potty messes. Every time she is angry I am scared. Every time she cries I cry. On rare occasion she comes out of the fog and her anguish reams her from end to end now knowing what is wrong for that moment and then minutes later she is lost in her fog.

I work to help her find some humor just to give her a moment of laughter. My two year old grandson is a delight of entertainment to her and brings her away from chaos at times. Still a grown up connection is missing and she feels all alone. Alone and all the love and help from all her family barely touches her reality. In small moments when the fog lifts just a little; her biggest fears come out. No one loves her, or that she has been put away or left alone. Her dementia has separated her from knowing we are there loving her and keeping her from being alone.

Through all this comes bits of relief. In some moments in the rarest way. One rare way is when one evening as we sit outdoors watching the greens of leaves swaying in the wind a Mockingbird comes to land on our phone pole. The Mockingbird sits up there staring at us. I guess he is not sure if we are friend or foe. I try to warble the way my mom taught me and do no real good. My mother in-law tries to whistle at him too; even though she can not see him yet. Are attempts encourage the Mockingbird and he tries a few notes. First he sounds off like a Sparrow then come a few finch tones. Two different kinds of finch notes. Next a Blue Jay and then he is quiet again. Eyeing us to see what we will do next. My mother in-law is tickled that we got him to sing. As we rock in our green cast iron rocking chairs we again try to do our own whistles. This time the bird sounds off an incredible list of bird songs. Robins, Hawks and Sparrows mixed in with Canaries, Finches, Blue Jays, and Magpies. My mother in-law and I are talking and not watching the Mockingbird so closely, but we are talking about how we got the bird to sing. The mockingbird jumps into the air like a trained poodle and lands back on his mark atop the telephone pole. This grabs our attention and my mother in-law actually saw him. Now that he is still she can not see him again but he shows off a tirade of bird notes. Going through his own little list of birds songs that he knows. Once quiet again we start to pay less attention and again the Mockingbird leaps up and lands in the exact spot which he stood. Getting our attention he rattles off his list of tunes again. Is he really trying for our attention or is there some unseen female near that he is showing off too? Maybe just a bug flies by and he is leaping up to grab a snack. Oddly though he only jumps up and down when he has lost some of our attention. Every evening we go out to sit in our lawn chairs and soon after our Mockingbird friend appears on top of the same pole. he entertains us nightly with his list of bird sound and always leaps into the air when we stop watching him. It has helped give my mother in-law a moment to escape from scares, worries and forgetfulness. Thanks to our odd friend the Mockingbird.

I hope my memories help others to see how a person with dementia might feel and also help those who are dealing with loosing the parent through Dementia might find some relief. The moments of relief are to far apart, but every one of those moments count as a precious jewel. Finding the right activities for the person you care for can be a trick at times, but the more simple it is the more luck one will have. Family members found sorting nuts and bolts work well for my Grandfather whom had strokes that left him with dementia. For my mother in-law it was sorting large wooden beads for art projects that really did not exist, but help make them feel including in helping family. Also pulling out all the clean towels and having her fold them. She never did the job correctly, but that did no matter. She was needed and was contributing and she also needed to hear praise for her work. The praise had to be done on an adult level or she would be insulted if you dared treat her like a child. Even though activities did not last but for a few minutes at a time it help at that moment make it easier in passing time. It takes alot of stamina to carry through on your own so get help. Even if it is a care center that you can take them in and out of. So far we have all took turns with my mother in-law and have kept her out of a nursing home. Mainly because she fears it so much and even when she was clear of mind at the beginning feared Nursing homes. So for her we try to get her as far as we can before going to that option. My grandfather insisted on living in a elder care apartment. Family life of anyone was to busy. He liked his solitude and quiet. My Aunt and mother went every day to see to his needs and would take him out places. To very different attitudes, but still some of the same type activities helped them through. Making them feel needed and a part of the family when possible.

My name is Lynn. I am 47 year old married lady. I was born with some disabilities and have always wanted to share some of my moments with others. Hopefully to help. Dealing with someone elses health was a good way to get started. My Spelling and grammer is not by far my strong points, but I have had a very full life and have many stories to share. My husband is the love of my whole life and we have alter echos in the warrior field. Rick (my husbands) nick name is Ragnar and mine is Torpedo. After my first sergury at one years old the Doctors gave me the nick name Torpedo and my Nana made sure it stuck all my life. The doctors were surprized by my abilities to do things and continue on in spite of what was happening to me.

In Light Lynn I ask that anyone reusing my article for any purpose please keep my name in tack with it and the link to my husbands web site. http://ragnarcellular.com Thank you and I hope my article is an encouragement to those who need the help.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lynn_McClurkin

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Dr. Byte Ware

The Dancing Mockingbird

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